


Sinners in Church

by MattedZamo



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: A little bit of fluff, F/F, Smut, Updated tags:, can you believe this short fic took me three days to write, cis! girls, it gets angsty, my first fic where both Katya and Trixie are the same goddamn ages, they have a happy ending, time hop!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-03-06 09:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13408671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MattedZamo/pseuds/MattedZamo
Summary: Katya gets dragged to church where she ends up kneeling in front of Trixie instead of God.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AND BACK TO THE REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM OF ME WRITING SMUT IN THE MORNINGS!
> 
> Hello and welcome to Sinners in Church, I hope you enjoy.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr! @mattedzamo

Katya was a good Christian girl starting from the time in which her father had said "the Lord had gifted you to us." She had ran around the playground at her daycare saying she was a gift to the Lord -because her mommy and daddy had said so. But another girl had told her that there were no gifts from the Lord, that her mom and dad did a special dance and at the end Katya came along. She went home crying and that's how at the age of four, her parents had to give her a very watered down version of how babies are born.

It wasn't until the sixth grade when her father drunkenly had given her the uncut version of what actually happened. "Listen. Kat. Let me pull you in in a little secret." He giggled while tightly gripping her skinny little arm. "Wanna know how babies are really made? Well I'm gonna tell you how you were made. I fucked a smoking hot church girl one night that just happened to be your mom and you were the end game. I really like you as the end result." Truly mind blowing.

But now she's 18 years old and getting quite tired of the church life. It wasn't one of those who preached about accepting, loving, helping and caring for anyone and everyone, but one of those nasty ones that spewed about the so called "perfect Christian". Her church preached about punishing adulters, women in general, and homosexuals. It was to extreme.

It was also exhausting. It was tiring staying all night at her "study groups" all night Saturday then having to wake up at such an unholy hour Sunday morning having to force herself to stay awake and listen to the pastor condemning the actions of those who fucked before marriage and fucked people of the same gender - the same shit she was doing the night before.

But here she was, slightly hungover, with two hours of sleep under her belt, and wearing an itchy turtleneck to hide her bruised up neck.

"Katya, why are wearing that? Didn't you say it was uncomfortable?" It was breakfast time and all Katya wanted was her coffee as strong and as sweet as possible and silence. But her mom wasn't making either possible, insisting on morning conversation and using up the last of the coffee.

"Its fine mom, it just needed a wash with fabric softener. It's fine." Katya rushed back her answer. She didn't mean to, she wanted to sound as natural as possible, but she wanted silence for a little while before the drive to church.

Her dad huffed behind her and her mom squinted at her but neither said anything more about her choice of clothing.

"Kitty Kat, aren't you going to eat something?" Her dad asked her, sipping his coffee in peace. Lucky him.

"Um all I wanted was coffee but I'll have some yogurt."

Katya ate her yogurt half asleep at the dinner table. She really didn't want to go to church.

~

The drive to church wasn't exciting as usual. Her mom was a chatterbox as always, something that Katya wasn't sure was supposed to make her dad fall asleep behind the wheel or keep him up. She zoned in and out the conversation, drifting in and out of sleep and remembering the moans of the girl she had underneath her the night before. The bruises on her neck and the scratches on her back were still tender and it didn't help that she had any fabric on the sensitive flesh. She figured that by the time she got to sit on a pew, she'd be sitting in damp panties.

Her thoughts were interrupted when her mom directly addressed her. "Katya honey, you're being sent downstairs today for some Teen Time."

"Wait what the hell is Teen Time and why am I being sent to the basement? It smells like shit down there."

Katya's dad swirved the car to swat at her. He missed. "Katya! Watch your language! There's Wi-Fi down there so I'm sure you'll be content."

"I'm 18 guys. 19 in two weeks. Why is it when it's time to pay bills I'm an adult but when it comes to something like Teen Time, I'm suddenly 14 again?!"

"Katya, why must you argue? We know you want to be a lawyer one day, but this isn't court."

Katya sat back and huffed, annoyed at her parents inconsistency with how to treat her. _Fine_ she decided _I'll go, but honestly, something's gotta give_. In defiance, Katya silently unbuckled her seat belt and kept it that way for the last ten minutes of the ride.

-

Down in the basement, she was the only one there. It didn't smell bad either, it smelled like someone had lit a scented candle, a scent between peppermint and vanilla. The Wi-Fi password was nowhere to be found but she didn't mind it. She just wanted to lay on the surprisingly comfortable couch and sleep the sermon away. She could still hear it since a microphone and speakers were installed, but she was a master of tuning things out in exchange for sleep.

And sleep she would have had, had it not been for the footsteps from the staircase.

She sat up, the blood rushing from her head to her body making her lightheaded.

"Oh, sorry, you can lay back down if you want. My dad sent me down here since I'm no longer needed up there." The voice said. She was quiet, innocent. She sounded suspiciously young.

Katya's vision still hadn't cleared so she spoke in the girls general direction. "Yeah I'm here for some shit called 'Teen Time' or whatever but I don't- holy shit you're the pastors kid"

The pastors child was Trixie Mattel, the cutest enigma Katya had ever heard about. Everyone speculated about her bra size claiming it to be anywhere between a DDD and a F cup. Some people say she had sex before, that she was a virgin, some went as far to say she had trains ran on her and she loved every minute. But ask anyone who repeated or started those rumors and they would all say the same thing: they didn't know her personally. Not even Katya, and Katya knew everyone.

Trixie giggled and moved to stand in front of Katya. She was tall. "Yeah I am. Trixie Mattel, at your service."

Katya swallowed thickly, her eyes roaming the girls body. She had very large breasts, that much was evident. But everything else was lost under the huge ankle length ocean of light pink fabric that was Trixie's dress. "I uh didn't see you after 10th grade. What happened?"

"Ninth grade."

Katya finally made eye contact with Trixie, meeting her soft brown eyes. "What?"

"Ninth grade was the last year I was in a brick and mortar school. Puberty hit me like a truck so dad pulled me out and my mom homeschooled me. After that, I didn't get chances to hang out outside the church. So ninth grade was the last year you saw me."

"Oh. Right."

"Mind if I sit?"

Katya moved over a bit on the love seat she was in. "Uh not a prob- oh."

Trixie wasn't talking about sitting on the couch, but on Katya's lap apparently. Wrapping her hands around Katya's neck, Trixie leaned in close, her mouth near Katya's ear. "You're very comfortable for a ex-track star."

Her voice was sending shivers down Katya's spine and her presence was just making being a full functioning human an overall issue for Katya. "You know about me and track?"

Katya could hear Trixie's tongue run across her lips, that's how close she was. Or maybe that's all Katya could focus on. Or maybe it was wishful thinking. "You made it to the newspapers Katya, and let me tell you, those photos of you in your track shorts and shirt-" she took a sharp intake of breath in which Katya did the same "- you helped me get off many nights so imagine my happiness to find you here."

Katya couldn't speak. Wasn't Trixie supposed to be a good Christian girl? But that was the least of her concerns. She made it to the newspapers? She never knew that. She helped Trixie _get off **many** nights_? She would've never expected _that_.

But before she could let a single syllable leave her mouth, Trixie got off of her, smoothing out her dress. "My apologies, I made you really uncomfortable. I'm heading back up, and you can to if you want. You're not mandated to stay here."

"I no- wait- Trixie you- aren't- Christian?" Katya wasn't sure why she was tripping all over her words but she hoped that Trixie would at least understand the basics of what she was trying to say.

"What? I'm supposed to be a good girl Christian girl?" Katya shook her head, still unable to form coherent sentences.

Trixie looked away thoughtfully not responding for a few pregnant moments. "Yeah. I suppose so. But it got boring I guess? I got curious and unsupervised so I just did stuff. I protected myself as best I could but nothing protects you from the rumors." She gave a humorless laugh. "A fucking train can you believe it?"

Katya blushed at that. She had believed those for a short time. But having been in front of the actual human herself, she felt foolish for believing it for more than a second. "Well no one really knew you very well and this is a small town so...shit happens."

"Yeah."

"Come sit."

Trixie moved from where she stood to sit next to Katya this time, but Katya had more in mind. "Come sit on my lap."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. But fair warning, we will make out. Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah totally!"

Trixie settled herself on top of Katya's lap with certainty that Katya admired. Katya's hand stayed on top of Trixie's ass, but she brought one hand on her cheek and looked into those chocolate orbs she found she wanted to get lost in. "Are you sure about this? I'd hate myself if you weren't completely on board with this."

"I mean, I've only done a few girls high or drunk or both. This is my first time sober."

"That doesn't answer my question Mattel."

"Yes. Yes, yes, yeah I'm sure. Oh wait-" Trixie took off her dress, once again making Katya falter her use as a human "-okay. I'm ready."

"Holy shit."

Katya couldn't just ignore the body of this girl, it was fucking gorgeous. Her curves ran deep and her flat tummy only helped. Her thighs were big but so nice and soft. And her tits were an easy DDD. This was a body of a woman. A woman that Katya would love to take the time to worship, which was fitting yet ironic given where they were.

Katya faltered, never learning Trixie's age and needing to figure out how much time they had. "Trixie um, how old are you?"

"18."

"What's your status?"

"I haven't checked. The receptionist at the health clinc is my mom's cousin and they don't know I'm active. But I have condoms in my bag. Oh! And dental dams too."

"Great. How time do we have?"

"20 minutes give or take."

"How long do you usually take?"

"10"

Katya nodded and Trixie got off of her in search of condoms. She came back and the two immediately started to make out.

Katya wanted to explore everything Trixie and was very grateful that they had the same idea of going without makeup. Her hands roamed and grabbed everything she could. She noticed how Trixie liked it rough, every rough grab making her gasp and whine. Katya wanted to hear more of her whines, wanted to see just how high she could go, see how rough she could take it but this wasn't the time nor the place. Katya pulled back looking at a flushed Trixie with blown out eyes and a pbring breath. "I'm going to eat you out okay?" Trixie nodded her okay.

Katya tapped Trixie's thigh to get her to get off. Katya stood up and stretched and Trixie sat back down after pulling her panties off. Katya kneeled in front of her and took a tentative taste at Trixie's wetness. She tasted really good. And she wanted to keep going, but protection first. It had to be done. But she hoped that one day they could hook up again when Trixie learned her status.

"Wait." Trixie put her hand on Katya's forehead and Katya stood, wondering if the girl was having second thoughts and she should go to her parents in embarrassment.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah i just...do you want anything in return?"

Katya mulled over that question. She didn't usually let anyone else touch her, she got the job done herself. It was a matter of trust. But she wanted Trixie to touch her, to feel Trixie's soft body as her fingers explored Katya's body. But Katya also took a while unless she was very keyed up and today wasn't the day for that chance.

"I'd love to dollface, but not today. Next sermon you get to alright?"

Trixie smiled and Katya really loved how her face dimpled at her wide smile. "Next sermon. Great. I already can't wait."

"Okay. Do you want me to keep going?"

"Of course." Trixie said lowly. Katya got back down on her knees with Trixie's thighs beside her head and goosebumps down her arms and legs.

Katya carefully opened the dental dam package and unwrapped it putting the protective barrier on Trixie's pussy. The thin film already molded to Trixie's flesh due to how hot she was. Trixie must've already been sensitive because her hips twitched at the contact.

"Can you keep quiet doll face?"

Trixie nodded her head vigorously.

"Okay, you ready?"

Trixie rolled her hips whispering please desperately. That was all Katya needed.

Katya went to work, sucking and licking Trixie's hard clit. Trixie was extremely physically responsive but only let out a series of sighs and gasps. Katya figured she had trained herself to be quiet for when she had to masturbate with her parents home. Trixie's hand went to her breast and the other grip Katya's hair tightly, thick goosebumps prickling Katya's scalp. But fuck if it didn't feel good, her damp panties getting wetter. Katya opened her eyes to watch the gorgeous blonde above her. Trixie's eyes were closed so tight, tears were in the corners, threatening to spill. Her body was so flushed and the nipple she was currently working was hard and red. Katya wanted to suckle on them and never let go; what could she say, she liked tits.

Trixie began mouthing words and Katya licked and sucked harder and faster to hear what those mouthed words could be.

They turned out to be her name and God's name.

Katya figured she didn't need the church's communal wine to get drunk, she now had Trixie.

Trixie hand moved from her nipple to Katya's cheek, tapping it erratically, signifying that she was going to come. And come she did. Her hands pushed Katya's face even further into her pussy and she pushed herself into Katya's mouth, throwing her head back, a silent scream in her throat. Katya couldn't breathe, but she didn't mind. Dying on her knees in church didn't seem like such a bad idea considering who she was kneeling for.

-

Trixie cleaned herself up and put her clothes back on while Katya put her number in Trixie's phone. She texted herself to save Trixie's number and replied with a message warning Trixie to put better protection on her phone. She giggled at how silly she must look, texting herself with two phones.

They sat and cuddled for the last five minutes of the service, neither saying anything, just enjoying each other's company. Trixie's mom had texted her asking go back upstairs since service finished. At the bottom of the stairs, Trixie kissed Katya softly.

"I think I like you Katya." She revealed.

Katya blushed, partly because no one that sweet had ever said that to her and also because Katya couldn't help but feel the same. "I think I like you too, Trixie."

They grabbed each other hands and squeezed before letting go and making their way back upstairs.

-

Back in the car, Katya was thoroughly exhausted but content at the result of church. She amazed herself at the revelation that she couldn't wait to go back next Sunday.

Trixie was a fun thing to worship.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Katya kissed her, moving her hand to enter her “okay baby girl, I got you.” Katya slid a finger in, curling it to hit Trixie’s spot and Trixie turned her head and bit down on Katya’s arm to stifle her moans. Trixie’s nails dug into Katya’s hip, but she didn’t mind as her body betrayed her and her clit jumped in response._
> 
>  
> 
> _Katya wasn’t sure if she could ever have a future with Trixie where the words baby girl would replace her name, but at least now, for this one night, she could pretend._
> 
>  
> 
> Katya returns to the church where she found Trixie, finishing what Trixie started, and hoping for something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thanks Krys for helping me out, I love you.
> 
> Second, welcome to the chapter no one asked for but everyone got anyway I hope you like it.
> 
> Third, I'm on Tumblr! @mattedzamo
> 
> Alright enjoy!

**_10 years later_ **

The old church didn’t look so bad for being deemed old. The stain windows had changed, that much was evident. Before it was just shards within the same color family put into one pane, the center holding the lightest color and growing in intensity as it paned further out. Now, it was the stages of Jesus being hung on the cross. Everything else remained the same. The same cream colored paint, the same varnished mahogany double doors, the same luscious green bushes, the same colorful tulips swaying softly in the wind.

Katya had long finished her cigarette, the crushed stub still under her sneaker. She wanted to light another, continue counting the tiles that made up the pane she had been looking at since she stepped out of her car 20 minutes ago. She made it to 53, and there were still so many tiles to count, to get to that big number that tells her how many glass shards made up the scene of Jesus carrying the cross.

She checked the time on her phone _2:50 pm_ the numbers read. Just another 10 minutes before her meeting with the pastor. Her dad had said it was a woman now, the one from when she was younger had died years prior. He said rumor had it he caught his daughter in bed with another woman and caught a heart attack right there. No one had heard from the daughter in years and then she just came back in town and built herself from the ground up.

Katya had shuddered when she heard her dad recount the story, the memory of her and Trixie in the church basement hitting her full force.

After they had there fun and went their separate ways, Katya couldn’t keep Trixie from her mind. She wanted to know everything about her, from the sounds she could make in bed to her thoughts and feelings on topics ranging from glitter to politics. But communication wasn’t easy between the two, sometimes having to go days before she heard from Trixie. And then one day there was just no more Trixie.

She tried asking around, just a question here or there about the latest gossip about the pastors family, but everybody had nothing on them.

She threw herself into her studies, and shut her body down, not wanting to do much with other women since no one else caught and kept her attention quite like Trixie. It wasn’t until after she graduated and moved out of the state and focused on her life that she decided enough was enough and made herself stop pining over a woman she was sure she wasn’t going to see again.

 And now Trixie sat like a distant memory, far enough to not disrupt but close enough to keep Katya wondering about her. How was she and what had happened to her that a whole town didn’t know where she went exactly. Questions were beginning to intrude Katya’s thoughts and she wanted to shake it off, smoke it out, perhaps stretch it out. But her phone vibrated in her jean pocket, letting her know it was three and time to meet the pastor. She stretched her arms above her head and silently cursed herself for not asking her dad about who the new pastor was. A fleeting suspicion made her think the most logical answer was Trixie, but she banished the woman from the forefront of her mind to the back seat.

She walked the short distance to the front doors, testing the left than the right and entering. It smelled _peaceful_. It didn’t smell old, but she could tell there was age, it didn’t smelled overly flowery, but held the scent of spring, it smelled warm and welcoming and Katya wondered who had managed to make the church she had distanced herself from smell so homey. She wasn’t sure if luck was on her side when she saw she didn’t have to wait very long.

She turned around and wanted to fall down and never get up. There was Trixie and she hated that the sun filtered through the colorful windows and let art lightly splash across her full features. She was beautiful and full figured, she looked so comfortable in a light summer dress that started from her collar and ended just below her knees, nipped in on her small waist. It was all white and Katya marveled at the fact that the woman was confident enough to pull off the color without the apparent fear that literally anything could stain it at any given moment. Her face didn’t hold any immediate indicators that in the ten years they were apart that she had aged, while Katya had creases starting by her eyes.

Katya wondered briefly is she looked any different in Trixie eyes, or if Trixie even remembered her at all. She knew she had filled out a little more, gaining a small stomach, tits and a nice ass from spending more time in buildings than on any field. But her face was still relatively the same. Or did time wipe away what little of her face Trixie kept stored in her brain. She hoped the meeting wouldn’t be awkward, and prayed that she kept her anxiety induced awkwardness at bay. She wondered if Trixie regretted that day that Katya loved so much sometimes.

“Katya. Hi. You’re here to meet with me right?” Trixie started. Did she address all the people she had a meeting with by their first names? Was that a ploy to make the meetings more comfortable? Or was she doing that because they knew each other on a more _personal_ level?

“I guess so, you are the pastor right? The lady on the phone she um…” Katya wasn’t sure where she was going with that sentence, so she just let it trail off. For an English major, her language skills were exceptionally poor this afternoon.

“Yeah that was my assistant, Sarah, I wasn’t available to take your call at the moment. But I am the pastor and if you’ll follow me we can start the meeting.” She held Katya’s eyes and then turned her body leading them to the back of the church and Katya followed her, a couple paces behind.

They passed by the open entrance to the stairs that led to the basement and Katya’s heart sped up rapidly and she had to stop a moment, the pounding in her chest so intense she had to lean against the doorway fearing any more activity would cause her heart to bust. The door to the office was still a good two feet away and maybe Trixie was there, maybe she was still taking her time getting there. Katya pulled her phone out of her back pocket, letting the familiar weight of the device soothe her. She unlocked it, staring at the last message she had sent, pretending she was busy on it to justify why she had stopped following Trixie in case the other woman asked.

Her heart finally stopped beating so hard and she looked up from her phone and saw Trixie there, leaning against the doorway of the office and looking at Katya with concern and confusion on her eyes and face. “Everything alright Katya?”

Katya hated doing this, especially since she was inside a _church_ but she just couldn’t let this woman know that she was possibly having a heart attack because all those thoughts and feelings she had been trying so hard to suppress were threatening to overwhelm her. So she said a half truth, that wasn’t a lie right? “Yeah, I just wasn’t sure how much reception I would receive this far back so I checked my phone to see if my dad had sent me anything.”

“Mhm. Well whenever you’re ready, you’re welcome to come inside so we can talk.” Trixie said and turned into the room.

Katya nodded to no one in particular and took a deep breath before mentally coaching herself to get her shit together. She made her way into the office.

It was a lot roomier than she had expected it to be, fitting four slim bookshelves against one wall, a large desk against another and an expensive looking office chair that nearly swallowed Trixie’s frame. There was two chairs on the other side of the desk, closest to the door, and no windows but soft lights planted on the wall behind Trixie, illuminating everything gently.

Trixie was on the computer, her posture perfect, her hands flying across the keyboard as her eyes focused intently on the computer screen in front of her. There were papers everywhere, all in the same loopy pretty handwriting that just looked so characteristically _Trixie_ ; soft and delicate. Katya kept her hands around her phone planted on her lap and watched Trixie’s hands fly across the keyboard.

Her finger nails had a French manicure, but instead of just plain white, it was mixed with in with light pink glitter that sparkled when caught by the light of the screen. Katya remembered those hands grasping her hair, her head, pushing her impossibly deeper into Trixie’s wetness. She wondered if those hands still held the same strength, what else those hands did besides pray for herself and her congregation. She stops herself there, not wanting to have shameful thoughts about the pastor and then hating herself for still having the same thoughts she had as a kid, back when she felt one with the church. Confliction was her ass kicker at the moment and she desperately wanted Trixie to pay some attention to her, if only to make her stop thinking and focus on saying the right things.

“I’m sorry hun, all these emails for baptismals and extra things, give me a few minutes and then you’ll have my undivided attention, okay?” Trixie says softly to her. Maybe because any louder and it’ll be too loud for the quiet that has surrounded the two. Katya doesn’t answer.

Katya keeps her head down, flipping her case-less phone between her fingers. She wants those hands on her hands, on her face, on her body. To hold her, bring her down; maybe pray over her if she finds it in her to try to reconnect with the Catholic Church. She wants those short nails to run lightly across her skin, to be the reason why she breaks out in goose bumps. Maybe she should stop thinking now.

“So, you’re here to renew vows? You got married?”

Katya almost laughs until she sees Trixie’s eyes and she wants to kick herself for wanting to laugh, so she clears her throat  “I didn’t, my parents did, 30 years ago next week, so they, well my dad, wanted to renew their vows before they go on holiday.”

Trixie smiles softly and nods  “Well, usually I would like to have the married couple here to make these arrangements, but if you have their marriage certificate then we most certainly can squeeze them in for next Sunday.”

“Oh he isn’t really sure where he has his copy, says the church has a copy.” Katya wants to fiddle with her phone, pick at her fingers, _something._ She wants to stare at Trixie’s face and just read her emotions.

Trixie frowns a little, “I can’t do that unless he’s here to sign off on them. I’m sorry.” She says in a much quieter voice. She looks sorry, and Katya doesn’t want her to be, it isn’t even her fault.

“No, please, don’t be. It’s fine. I’ll just let him know and he’ll come down to fix everything.”

“Alright well, I guess that’s all then. Allow me to walk you out; I still need to lock up this place anyway.”

Katya nods and gets up, puts her phone back in her back pocket and starts to head to the aisle, only stopping momentarily in front of the basement. She wonders if it’ll be deemed inappropriate to bring up what happened down there. She hears the door close and keys jangle behind her and she wants to turn around, but is afraid to do so, she just knows that her face is telling the story that’s running in her head.

“Kat?” Trixie’s voice is so small, so uncertain, so heavy that Katya _has_ to turn around.

“Yeah?” She doesn’t like how gruff her voice sounds, but there’s no turning back now.

Trixie won’t look at her, instead playing with her pretty little fingers, “You remember right? Us? That day?”

“Of course I do.” _I thought about it all the time for like a year_ she wants to continue but doesn’t because now Trixie is in front of her, her hand cupping her jaw.

“Can I kiss you Katya?” She asks, her attention on Katya’s lips, her fingers wiggling about slowly.

“Trixie _please._ ”

The kiss was soft and sweet. Gentle and just warm. Katya wanted more of those kisses, closing her eyes and tugging Trixie close, making her flush against her body. She kept kissing, remembering to breathe through her nose to keep it going, to just _feel._ To feel Trixie’s chest against hers, to feel Trixie’s fluttering eyelashes against her face. She could see herself waking up and going asleep to kisses like these, but quickly shot down the idea. _Thou shall not be selfish_ had to be somewhere in the Bible and taking a congregation’s only pastor just to keep her home to spoil her surely classified as selfish right?

Trixie broke away, leaning into Katya’s forehead, looking pink, flustered and pretty. Katya had to make a move _now_ or who knows what opportunity would be lost.

“Trix, I’m staying at this nice hotel two towns over, it has a cute restaurant that overlooks the sea, care for some dinner?

Trixie shook her head, “yes, of course.”

 

-

 

Trixie sat momentarily alone at the restaurant that was underneath the hotel Katya was staying at. Katya had to run back to her car to replace the sweater she was wearing with another one because she spilled soda on it.

She couldn’t believe it. Not only had Katya had come back, but they were having dinner together. She was hoping Katya wanted her like she wanted Katya and they could do the things that will have Trixie praying for forgiveness over until next Sundays Mass. She said a quick prayer for her Father to please forgive her for her thoughts, for what she wanted to do, for what she was sure was going to inevitably fly out of her mouth.

When she first saw Katya just standing there taking in the surroundings of the church, she wasn’t sure what to think. Was God punishing her by sending a vision of the first woman she ever wanted to make love to? And then Katya was real and there and just looking at her like she wanted Trixie. But maybe Trixie was just wishfully thinking that Katya still wanted her, she was there to renew vows after all. But they weren’t her vows!

In her office, while Katya looked so beautiful with the soft light across her features, Trixie wasn’t sure if Katya noticed she had a hard time focusing on her work. Her mind wasn’t focused on those damn emails; it was running rampant with questions. If Katya remembered that day, how she felt when Trixie couldn’t and then didn’t contact her, if Katya had someone in her life, if Katya still wanted Trixie to return the favor that had been promised a little over a decade ago. Was Katya as nervous as Trixie? Did she want to bolt out the door or just viciously make out like Trixie, or maybe both?

But that kiss was just enough to make her brain stop, Katya was so soft and gentle with her, her anxiety about them melted away and Trixie just wanted to cement herself in the moment. Her heart ached for more, but she still wasn’t sure if it was more Katya in general or more romance.

Katya came back not wearing a sweater that was obviously one size to big, but a polo shirt that hugged her breasts and was a little loose around her torso. Trixie made herself focus on Katya’s face, a little bit softer than the sharp angles she kept tacked in her memory.

Dinner went over nicely, both enjoying salads and virgin margaritas. Trixie apologized for not calling her and Katya forgave her. Katya apologized for never returning to church and Trixie forgave her. Trixie lightly brushed up on how she had gone to become a pastor, not touching upon the fact that she had been forced after her father’s discovery. Katya talked briefly about her job in the city over two hours away and how she was just visiting her parents for the weekend like she did every month, but touched Trixie’s hand as she said she was really happy to see Trixie once again; Trixie fought to hold back tears.

After dinner, Katya suggested walking along the beach since the sun had begun to fall. Trixie grew nervous; she had already been shunned once when her mother gossiped to everyone in town that her daughter was a sinner, _a perverted monster that seduced women for her own selfish needs._ Becoming a pastor wasn’t the hard part, since it only took up about a year of her life; it was getting accepted back into the community. Working hard to reassure that she was only there to preach the word of God, not seduce the women there. And in a large part, it had worked, it was easy to win over the new generation, which were much more accepting, but still the looks she received from the older women whenever she stood to close to them, or hugged a woman for “far to long” was still unsettling.

So they sat at the table a tiny while longer until Trixie just decided she wanted to let herself go a little.

They walked side by side across the beach, their shoes in their hands, their feet getting tickled by the water that would go to them and retreat. Everything was so tranquil and Trixie was just thankful that the usual people she saw weren’t there to see her. She took her hair out of its bun and let the wind do with it as it pleased. The sun had set and she looked in its direction, with her eyes closed and breathing in the salt and peace. She felt Katya’s eyes on her and when she looked she saw pure soft admiration.

She stepped close to Katya’s personal space, close enough to make the elders in her congregation wrinkle their pointy noses and start whispering their hate, “To the room?” she asked.

Katya shook her head and led Trixie back to the hotel with her hand on the small of her back.

 

-

 

Katya laid Trixie down on the bed on top of the sheets after they had washed the sand from their feet. Katya kissed Trixie while her hand was holding her butt. Trixie’s hands were in Katya’s hair and they kissed slowly, relishing in the fact that they were adults with nothing to do the next day, the night was young and theirs to take.

Katya kissed Trixie’s eyelids, the tip of her nose, her lips. She kept kissing those lips, she couldn’t help herself, they were so soft, she wanted those lips on hers and on the rest of her body for ever and ever. Trixie’s nails scratched Katya’s scalp lightly and she liked it. She liked everything Trixie; her scent, her sounds, her body, her voice, _her._ She moved down to her neck and lightly peppered kisses across her skin, feeling her pulse under lips and Trixie start shifting her hips under her.

“Kat, wait.” Trixie whispered.

Katya sat up, settling on Trixie’s pelvis. She kept her hands firmly planted on Trixie’s stomach, and watched Trixie’s chest rise and fall. She grew worried as Trixie tried to catch her breath. Had she pushed too far? Was this not what Trixie wanted? Had she read all those signals wrong?

Katya wanted to cry.  

“Kat, it’s your turn.”

Katya met Trixie’s eyes “what?”

Trixie sat up and pushed hair from in front of Katya’s face to behind her ear, “Last time you did me, now it’s your turn.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah, you’re right.”

Katya got off of Trixie and off the bed completely. She stood at the foot of the bed, one arm wrapped around herself while her other hand rubbed the back of her neck. _We’re doing this, we’re going to have sex._ She knew this was going to happen since they kissed but in the moment, she felt as if the realization hadn’t sunk in yet. Trixie got off the bed and stood behind her, her arms wrapping around Katya’s middle, her head on Katya’s shoulder.

“Trixie are you sure about this? Do you really want this?”

“Yeah. I do. I mean I’ll be praying for a week, but I know I’m not praying because I regret it, but because… you know.”

Katya turned around, wrapping her arms around Trixie’s waist while Trixie’s arms stayed on Katya’s shoulders and neck. They kissed once more and Katya lifted up Trixie’s dress and Trixie giggled. “Back zipper” she whispered. Katya giggled too and located the zipper to pull it down. The dress came up and off and Katya took a step back to see Trixie’s body. Her bra was navy blue and didn’t have an underwire, which Katya heard somewhere was better for women with large breasts like Trixie’s. Her underwear came up to her belly button and was black. Her skin from her collarbones to the top of her thighs were pale, while the rest of her body looked like a deep tan was there at one point, and hadn’t faded completely.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Nothing Trix, you just look so beautiful.”  Katya whispered

Trixie huffed air out her nose, “Come on you romantic, let’s get you naked.”

Katya watched as Trixie undressed her, taking care to neatly fold her jeans, shirt, bra and damp panties. When she got to Katya’s socks, she looked up and asked if she still wanted them on. Katya nodded her head that yes, she wanted to keep her socks on. Trixie stayed on her knees, looking at Katya’s body from her position on the floor. Katya wrapped her arms around her ribs and focused her attention on the crown on Trixie’s hair.

Trixie placed her hands on Katya’s hips while looking at her body. She wasn’t as cut and built as she was when she was actively running track back then, but that was understandable; it wasn’t like Trixie had the most physically fit body either. Katya’s thighs showed their muscle when she stood but flattened and softened when she sat or was lying down. She kissed the front of those thighs, making her way from the tops of her knees to her pelvis, not quite at the mound that was there.

She could smell Katya’s excitement and she wanted to bury herself in it.

Trixie stood up and kissed Katya quickly one more time before pulling back, “on the bed” she said and watched as Katya went on top of the sheets and rested her head on the pillows, spreading her legs open for her. Trixie looked down at the woman spread out before her and just couldn’t believe how lucky she was. She crawled into bed, kissing her way until she was close to Katya’s vagina. Katya wiggled under her and she had to admit, it was kind of cute.

“Trix I have condoms.” Katya said softly.

Trixie picked her head, looking at the blushing Katya who had her eyes closed. “Are you clean? I am.”

Katya shook her head.

“Do you mind if I eat you out like this?”

She shook her head again, “yeah.”

Trixie took her time eating Katya out, circling her clit and then hardening her tongue to lick the nub underneath the hood. She drew Katya close to her face and held her firmly in place by the tops of her trembling thighs. She could tell Katya was holding back her moans, muffling them by biting down on her arm. She drew back, releasing her clit with a _pop_ sound and sitting back on her calves. She heard Katya release her arm with a _pop_ sound of her own to whine at Trixie stopping what she was doing to her.

Trixie stayed there, placing her hands on the folds of thighs that met Katya’s outer lips. “Honey look at me.”

Katya opened her eyes and locked them with Trixie’s, silently pleading with her to continue. Trixie lifted up a finger in the air, “one finger, okay?” Katya nodded her head and the two maintained eye contact as Trixie put her middle finger in her mouth, coating it with saliva and then slowly inserting it into Katya. She watched as Katya rolled her eyes until they closed and raised her back off the bed on an angle. Her mouth opened as she inhaled and exhaled deeply.

Trixie had her whole finger inside Katya but didn’t move yet, instead rubbing the inside of her thigh until Katya relaxed her body back into the bed. Trixie pulled her finger out and twisted it slightly as she pushed it back in, watching the digit slide in and out of Katya. She was a quiet moaner, mostly panting and Trixie felt herself growing wetter and the pulse in between her legs growing so heavily she felt it even in her toes. This woman, after ten years, she was finally doing this beautiful woman. _Trixie was pleasing Katya!_

“Trixie, please, more…” Katya sighed, her hair tangling about as she kept moving her head from side to side.

Trixie gave a quiet _okay_ and curled her finger upward, trying to brush against Katya’s sweet spot; a sharp _ah!_ confirming that she had touched it.

“T-trix there _please._ ”

So Trixie went back down to suck on Katya’s clit while she kept rubbing Katya’s g-spot. Katya’s hands found their way into Trixie’s hair and she heard the woman above her continue to pant, struggling to fill her lungs with air as she was trying to push air out. Her back rose off the bed in angles, first the right, then the left, until it lifted completely off the bed as Katya came with a close mouthed squeal.

Trixie giggled softly while still holding Katya’s clit with her tongue and stopped her fingering motion. She heard Katya hiss softly and drew her head back, wiping away the saliva and juice with the back of her hand. Katya was flushed and glowing, her body looked soft and her face had content written all over it. While Katya was catching her breath, Trixie lightly traced the faint stretch marks across Katya’s thighs and hips.

Katya huffed air out her nose in replacement of a laugh “that tickles” she said. Trixie kept doing it, she liked the feeling of her warm skin under her fingertips.

Katya’s breathing finally went back to normal and even though normally, she would just fall asleep, she really wanted to taste Trixie. Excitement bubbled in her chest as she got out the bed, kissing Trixie and telling her to get naked before heading to the bathroom to pee. When she finished, she washed her hands, spending extra time doing so and using a brush to scrub underneath her short nails.

When she left the bathroom, Trixie was under the covers, her bra still on, a deep blush painting her cheeks. Katya wasn’t sure if she had seen anyone more beautiful.

She climbed under the covers, facing Trixie, her arm awkwardly positioned between them, her other hand on Trixie’s jaw. Her eyes were so deep and brown, the light in the room failing to do them justice. Katya wanted to just look at her, take her in. She prayed she wasn’t falling for her, no matter how much she wanted to, no matter how clear she saw a future with her. She broke eye contact and followed the movement of her hand as it trailed down from Trixie’s jaw, to her collarbone, past her bra, and settled on her tummy. She squeezed once, twice, and Trixie giggled and tried to move away.

Katya climbed on top of her, pining her hands down with one of hers, and tickling Trixie’s ribs with her other hand. Trixie laughed, hard and loud, crying for Katya to stop. And she did, and looked into Trixie’s eyes once again, feeling herself fall just a little more into the woman pinned under her. She leaned down, capturing Trixie’s lips in a kiss.

She broke the kiss and fell to her side, moving her arm so that it supported Trixie’s head, her hair so soft and thick, her fingers played with the few strands that were tangled in them. They stared at each other, side by side, their breathing synchronized, the familiarity of it all becoming a little to much for Katya. But she was willing to break away, she’d just have to store those thoughts for later, when she had time to fully think instead of just brushing those thoughts to the side.

Her other hand was on Trixie’s hip now and Trixie moved her leg so Katya can have better access.

“Trixie is this okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Her fingers danced across her hip down to her mound, dipping into her heat and started stroking her clit. She pushed herself a little closer to Trixie “tell me what you need baby.”

“I need you, I need you in me, please.” Trixie said, wiggling her body a little bit.

Katya kissed her, moving her hand to enter her “okay baby girl, I got you.” Katya slid a finger in, curling it to hit Trixie’s spot and Trixie turned her head and bit down on Katya’s arm to stifle her moans. Trixie’s nails dug into Katya’s hip, but she didn’t mind as her body betrayed her and her clit jumped in response.

Katya wasn’t sure if she could ever have a future with Trixie where the words _baby girl_ would replace her name, but at least now, for this one night, she could pretend.

 

-

 

The two were tangled together under the covers, their body temperature back to normal and sensitive to the cold the air conditioning was providing. Trixie was fast asleep on Katya’s chest, while Katya’s hand idly ran through her hair. She had time to think now, although she wasn’t sure about how much time she had since she was exhausted. The last thing she remembered before passing out was how nice it would be to have Trixie in her life.

The morning was passed with Trixie watching Katya pack what few things she took out of the bag she packed with her and then checking out with her. It passed her mind how comfortable the two were with having to leave the room in the same clothes they entered it.

The drive was spent in comfortable silence, Katya’s hand on Trixie’s knee while she stared out the window, listening to sound of rotating tires on asphalt. Replaying the day before in her head, she found she was the happiest than she had been in a very long time. Sure she was content being the next Pastor Mattel, but she wasn’t _happy_ with it like she was with Katya. She knew not everyone was supposed to be happy with their job, it’s still a job, but even moments like waking to Katya, and quick pecks on the lips made her happier than when she got introduced to new baby or married a couple.

They reached the church where Trixie’s car still sat, the morning dew taking its time evaporating since the vehicle was parked underneath shade.

She looked to Katya. “Will I be seeing you again?”

“Next weekend I’m coming back up. But I’ll call you every night, or you can text me if you ever get bored during your prayers.”

“So I’ll see you next sermon.”

“I promise.” Katya kissed Trixie’s hand.

Trixie smiled, “can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo what did we think? Wanna let me know?


	3. Chapter 3

**_1 year later_ **

The rain outside was coming down hard and Katya didn’t need to be outside to know that it was freezing cold, she could feel it from the window if she dared decided she was crazy enough to go near the glass that took up nearly half the wall.

But on the other side of the living room, was the couch, a hideous dark floral pattern covered the surprisingly comfortable furnish that she was lying across, in only her old college shirt and stretched out undies. She was drifting off to sleep, the TV a few feet in front of her turning into white noise. She didn’t understand why her parents thought they needed a 70” plasma when they still had to call her to figure out how to put the house phone on speaker, but whatever.

Her eyes were closed, and she could hear Trixie in the kitchen far behind her. She was wondering what that woman was doing in there, but it didn’t take long. “KATYA! THERE’S AN ICE CREAM CAKE? I LOVE ICE CREAM CA-wait.”

Katya’s eyes opened as a smile came on her face. She heard as Trixie came closer to her, crossing the dining room to get to where Katya was still sat. Katya looked up to see Trixie with what she was pretty sure was an already half-eaten pint of vanilla ice cream, “Happy Birthday baby.”

She loved making her baby girl smile, and the one she had just put on her face was just as beautiful as the one she put on her face the very first time.

Trixie cut two slices of the cake, the bigger one for herself since Katya didn’t eat ice cream cake all that much. They sat, knees touching as they faced each other sitting cross legged on the couch, eating their slices of cake. It was some Oreo thing that Katya found and she actually liked, and was starting to love the more she ate, but the way Trixie was deeply focused on her slice, she knew she was going to leave the rest to her girl.

“I’m going to get so fat because of this.” Trixie moaned around the forkful of cake already in her mouth. She chewed with thoughtful expression on her face and with a completely serious face followed up with, “well, fatter than I already am.”

Katya’s toe twitched at how negative Trixie was speaking of herself and how she hated it, but she knew it was one of the many _perks_ of her having to deal with a belittling mother during a fragile time in her life. It was hard having to listen to how Mrs. Mattel treated her daughter, especially considering the fact that she used to treat Trixie like she was the creator of the moon and stars before the discovery, but Katya tried every day to override the hurt that was left in Trixie’s heart by filling it with her love. It’s what she deserved.

So she reached out to touch Trixie’s hand as reassurance, “Then we’ll get fat together, and get fit together, just let me know when baby girl.”

Trixie lowered her plate and Katya watched as her eyes glossed over slightly, clearly still taken aback by such a direct display of love and care. “I love you so much Kat.”

Katya leaned over to kiss her nose and fed her the last bit of cake still on her plate “I love you too Trixie baby.”

-

Trixie hadn’t felt right with the church for almost all of her adult life, but she wasn’t one who was going to admit that to anyone, not even a bug. It had started when she was 17, and starting to come to terms with how she felt…sexually. She had always figured there was some sort of disconnect when her mother would mention her excitement for Trixie to marry a nice church boy, but when she kissed Thomas whatever-his-last-name-was after a Sunday mass, she wanted to hurl. Not because the kiss wasn’t nice, she’s sure it probably was, but because she didn’t feel what she was _supposed_ to feel. It wasn’t until the fourth boy she kissed that there was a problem.

It was her.

And when she kissed Sarah Roseland during a party, feeling brave from the cup of wine Sarah had stolen from her dad’s collection, it all fell into place. It was her, she didn’t want a nice church _boy,_ she didn’t even want anyone from the church, and she wanted a nice _woman._ So she made out with Sarah and Mary and the two Marias, all during different parties, all a little drunker than the last.

_And then there was Katya._

The first time she had seen a photo of Katya had been at one of the Maria’s house, slightly tipsy, still trying to work on the nerve to kiss the girl who had very clearly been flirting with her for who knows how long. The local newspaper was opened to the sports page, just resting on the dining room table, and there was Katya, in her element in black and white. Trixie’s comprehension skills were still intact, so she read, focusing hard to remember every word. In the short article, they called her The Zamo, and went in detail how she had helped her team win the second track meet in a row. There was just something about her that Trixie felt herself drawn too and she wasn’t sure what.

“Who’s this?” she asked to the Maria.

“Oh that’s Katya, I’m in her English class.”

“Mhm. What’s she like?”

“I don’t know her like that, but she’s smart and she’s usually happy.”

A girl who’s name Trixie could never remember butted into the conversation, obviously well on her way to being shit faced, “Oh my god! Katyaaa oh yeah she’s great, my friend said her brother said that he saw Katya full on French a guy _and_   a girl and he saw from the look in their eyes how they were turned on _except_ Katya. Isn’t that wild?”

The girl was pulled away from her friend and they made their way out the door, and Trixie watched with some pity towards the sober friend as the drunk girl heavily protested having to leave her drink behind. The words that Katya had made out with a guy _and_ a girl swirled around her head, and Trixie knew that would be the only thing she could coherently focus on for the upcoming weeks. There go her studies which had gotten progressively harder, and with her grades, there went her freedom to go to whatever house party she pleased on Saturdays.

So Trixie downed the rest of her wine, and grabbed Maria by the hand to her bedroom. She knew Maria would have the idea to go farther than just making out in the overly navy blue bedroom, but Trixie couldn’t stop herself from shifting her attention from the girl she currently had to the girl she wouldn’t ever get to know. And it frustrated her, how unfair everything was, that she had to get pulled out of school just to stay home and study, study, _study_ and then go to church and pray and pray and _pray_ some more and then there she was making out with a girl she was no longer interested in.  

So when she was on top of the girl, she stared into her eyes, watching as they went from hungry with lust to confusion and she saw _herself,_ how unsatisfied she was, and she just _knew_ that she’d have to suck it up right then and there because that would be her life. She was 17, almost 18, and her fate had already been decided and handed to her in the form of the knowledge of the assumed sexuality of the girl she vaguely remembers seeing in the halls of the high school she went to once upon a time. The weight settled into her chest and it was uncomfortable and she had to get out of there. The opportunity came when Maria asked what had happened and Trixie lied, flat out lied, after spotting the time on the clock on the nightstand and said she had to get home because her mother asked her too.

Trixie remembers how the month had passed her by, the studying increasing alongside the tears that only came at night and the partying that had stopped, and her phone becoming more and more neglected to the point where it was dead more often than not and she couldn’t bring herself to care anymore.

**_And then there was Katya._ **

Trixie really couldn’t believe her luck that stupid _Teen Time_ would actually get anyone down into that basement much less _Katya_ of all people; for starters, Trixie wasn’t even sure she was religious like her parents, since she only spotted her sporadically whenever she turned around from the front pew to the back pews. She still wasn’t sure where the hell all that courage came from to just climb Katya like that, and confess all her dirty little secrets of her, but she thanks the Lord every day that she acted on impulsive instead of reserving herself like her mother was so desperately trying to teach her.

Kissing Katya was so freeing, it was so easy to do once their lips came together. There was no need for peer pressure, there was no need for alcohol at all, not even the communal wine she took sips from every single service. It was just Katya and her, and she was the rawest form of herself that she had ever given someone, laying it all out there entrusting that Katya would just take care of her, to keep it between them unlike those others before her who were vicious for shits and giggles.

She would have never imagined her first time would be on a couch, much less the couch in her father’s church, but it didn’t matter when she finally could understand what pure ecstasy felt like. It was true, she did masturbate on the regular, but even though she thought she knew what she liked like the back of her hand, nothing could prepare for the heavy hold pleasure had on her body. When everything was said and done, it wasn’t lost to her that Katya was kneeling in front of her, worshipping her like a false idol, but she hadn’t been one with the church like she once was so it didn’t matter.

But she still should’ve been more careful.

Studying for the finals her mother had prepared were busting her balls and it was an endless loop of waking up to stress and falling asleep stressed. Texting Katya was her only distraction, her only sense of normality, reminding her that she was in fact a person with feelings other than stress and she knew more than mommy dearest drilled into her head. But her mom kept taking her phone and made texting impossible, so when she finally did get her phone and a break, she decided to do something to fill herself, to stop being an empty shell of herself.

From the moment she hit send, to the moment her father got his heart attack, she still isn’t sure what happened, where she slipped up, where everything went so wrong that she was caught top less under a girl who later betrayed her, followed the fire her mother ripped through the small town. The purpose of the fire in which it was to just burn Trixie Mattel.

Then it was to become a nun and give her body, soul and _sanity_ to some pastor in some covenant in some distant part of the state, or become a pastor and rise from the ashes.

She just had to choose the latter.

And for ten years she struggled so hard with herself, fighting herself at every turn. To not stare at women lest she get caught thinking lustful thoughts and to not stare to long at men, she didn’t want them, and she didn’t want them thinking that she did. She fought hard to control her urges, always around her period, and threw herself into becoming a pastor, into getting accepted back into the community. And she kept fighting, to show she wasn’t wicked, that she wasn’t trying to seduce anyone, just trying to preach the loving words of the lord. And she fought herself to accept the same words she was willing for others to accept.

But when she saw Katya, she just knew it was time to let go and whether Katya knew it or not, she had become Trixie’s safety net as she fell back into life, a life _she_ wanted, not a life _others_ wanted for her. And finally it was a night of just letting herself _feel,_ to let Katya take care of her and to care of Katya after all those years of wanting, longing, hoping, and dreaming. And she fell asleep in Katya’s arms, her mind silent and when she woke up she finally felt content wash over her for what felt like the first time in her life.

So when she was preparing her teachings for the weekend, it was time to preach _acceptance of others and who they love._ And finally, _finally_ she could connect with what she taught. So she preached her heart out that Saturday and that Sunday, and she renewed the Zamolodchikova’s vows with tears in her eyes because it was so easy to see that with Katya, the way she was cared for, talked to and treated so beautifully, like she not only created the universe but put everything into its place as well. She had fallen fast, fallen fast, carelessly free-falled into a vat of emotions she fought to suppress and she couldn’t care anymore, because all her energy had went into fighting and she had enough.

And she left, her assistant Sarah was pissed at such short notice to scramble to try to find a replacement for the church but Trixie just couldn’t care anymore, she had done too much of it. She cared for the people who came to service once, cared for the women she knew still didn’t like her because of the fire her mother ignited, cared for the men who would tell her straight up that they found it hot that she was a lesbian. Cared for the mother who abandoned her, practically thrown her away as if she was a piece of trash and not the daughter she loved since conception. Trixie had cared for everyone who didn’t care for her back and she was _tired._

And she told Katya this, spilled to her her heart that had been steadily crumbling since the revelation of her destiny all those years ago. She told her how she had been hurting but was forced to mask the pain, how she was angry but was forced to dissipate it, how all she wanted was for someone to fucking care about her, but had to settle for the fact that at least God cared, and that’s why she was His child and the one who was “blessed” to tell His messages to all His loyal children. But she told Katya how she wasn’t sure if she was His child anymore, because what parent would want His child to hurt like she did? To suffer like she did? To deal with things she didn’t want to deal with any more like she did?

And Katya _listened._ When Trixie went to her house, over two hours away, on impulse with nothing but the clothes on her back, the shoes on her feet, and the contents in her purse, Katya opened the door to her home for her, let her in and let her talk. And she _listened._ Finally! Somebody was listening to her! And Katya told her to stay, if not for the week then for the night. And Trixie did. Why wouldn’t she?

And the first night and day went by fine, she stayed in Katya’s bed, in her clothes, smelling her shampoo in her hair, her body wash on her skin, her scent on her furniture. She watched all the reality TV programs on Katya’s DVR, turning her phone off when she saw Mrs. Mattel and Sarah calling her alternatively. When Katya came home, dinner was already ready and Trixie was already in bed half asleep, the sheer excitement of indulging in nothingness exhausting her. And she remembered how Katya tip toed around the bedroom for her shower, kissed her softly on the temple as a goodnight when she got to bed.

The second day was a bit much, Katya didn’t have much food in her kitchen and Trixie really needed her clothes, so she spent the whole day driving around, heading back to her house to collect some clothes and her laptop, then doing a massive supermarket trip for the two of them. She passed by the church, a banner welcoming the new pastor already up, the feeling of guilt already planted in her stomach and sprouting quickly. And in the supermarket, she wasn’t sure just how much food was needed, still unsure as to how long she was going to stay with the other woman, a new feeling creeping up on her and settling right alongside the guilt that had found its way into her throat.

She began regretting her decision, all the choices she made. By nightfall, she was back in bed, everything tidy and put away, the two feelings battling it out in her mind. As exhausted as she was, her mind was going so fast it kept her up. How could she? How _could_ she? She was born and raised in the church, lived by His rules all her life and now she was throwing it all away for some _woman_? Her mother was right. Her mother was right! She was selfish, she knew no bounds, she really did believe everything revolved around her and she did seduce women for her own selfish needs!

When Katya came home, she didn’t eat, perhaps because she was full or maybe didn’t want to wake up an already up Trixie, she wasn’t sure. But she didn’t shower, so she just climbed into bed with an old shirt and a kiss on Trixie’s temple.

She felt so fucking _dirty._ She wanted the kiss to go away, she wasn’t supposed to get kisses, much less from a woman.

But she wanted more of those kisses. She wanted it all over her body, on her face, on her hairline, on her hands, fingers, and toes. In between her thighs, all around them too. She wanted kisses over her heart so she could feel them on her heart. She wanted arms wrapped around her, _Katya’s_ arms wrapped around her. To have and to hold her tenderly.

Her head hurt with how confused she was, never wanting something she felt so revolted against. She fell asleep as more guilt and more of that new unfamiliar feeling had found its way past her throat and in her head. She woke up with a headache and the smell of pancakes hit her nose. The thought of how domesticated the whole scene would be comforted her, having not experienced it in so long, but then it hurt her. Would He want this for her? She didn’t think so. _Shame_ hit her hard and she had to hurl.

They never managed to have breakfast, Trixie’s run to the bathroom made sure of that. Katya came to the rescue, caring for her, keeping her unkempt hair out of the way, rubbing soothing circles on her lower back. She wanted Katya _off,_ but wanted her to stay right by her side, for so long. She didn’t want to say forever, not because she didn’t want that, but because she wasn’t ready to admit it to herself.

At least not yet.

They ventured outside, out to the pharmacy a few blocks away, both in dark jeans and hoodies with the sleeves folded up because the weather permitted that. Trixie was visibly shaking when she left the apartment building, and she knew Katya wanted nothing more than to try to comfort her. And her suspicions were confirmed when halfway there, Katya took her shaking hand in hers. Trixie had startled and looked around, but there was no one in her immediate line of sight and she felt fine, she felt sure in their little bubble.

Until they reached the pharmacy.

And she felt brave, like she could do it, she could face everyone and she would stand her ground.

One look from an old lady with a raised eyebrow made her drop Katya’s hand and her bravado as if it had burned her. And in a way it did. The memories of all those judgmental stares from all those elderly ladies, all those looks from the young men who would only see her as a porn plot and not a fucking _person_ and oh God, the look from her mother. Mrs. Mattel looked so _disgusted_ as if Trixie was a dirty, vile _mistake_. She wasn’t a person anymore, no she was a monster.

And she looked at Katya and she looked confused for a while before a look of understanding and pity stood in its place.

Trixie was jealous, so, so jealous. It wasn’t _fair._ Why wasn’t she afforded the luxury of understanding parents? Why was she stuck with all this disgust over feelings she couldn’t control? And why did she still have to put up with judgmental stares from people who would never know her story, what a sweetheart she was, and much less her name?

Katya had stayed near the registers while Trixie got herself some ginger ale, and headache medicine and melatonin, knowing that sleepless nights were on the horizon. She let Katya pay when she offered, too tired to fight and she let her carry the bag on the way home. It was a weird sensation calling it home, but it’s where she had felt most comfortable.

She stayed in her head most of the time, and she stayed in as she felt herself getting depressed, the energy flowing out of her every minute of the day. She hated how useless she was feeling and finally realized she felt like she was an intruder, just stepping into Katya’s life and watching her pick up the pieces.

But it worked out in the end.

Katya never overstepped her boundaries, only kissing her when she asked Trixie permission, never forcing her to have the “what are we?” talk. Katya coaxed her to talk about what she felt, until Trixie was able to freely say if it was a good day or a bad day. Over dinner, Katya talked about her day and Trixie listened, providing commentary or nothing at all. She stayed indoors mostly, which she knew wasn’t ideal but being gentle with herself and taking it one day at a time.

Sometimes, during the weekends, Katya would take them out. It was usually indoor activities like the library or the movies. She always let Trixie have her space if she could help it. And the more she went out, the more Trixie realized that yeah, some people look, maybe a few will stare, but most won’t pay attention if they’re holding hands. So she found herself always trying to hold onto Katya’s hands because she liked it, and it made Katya beam with pride, and she liked that too. She liked it a whole lot.

At night, she always curled up into Katya’s side, or pressed herself onto her back, or they landed into some weird position where they were a tangle of limbs with both of them having sore body parts in the morning. And as the days went on, Trixie grew a little bit braver, and hated herself a little bit less, and she got up before Katya to get her breakfast and lunch ready, and kissed her good morning; always straddling her hips, always getting the kiss heated up, always stopping before things got to intense.

At first Trixie didn’t realize how worked up Katya got until Katya pointed it out in a joking manner one day and she felt bad. So she opted to change it.

It was a cloudy day, the sun struggling to peak through the thick clouds and shine down on the people below. The weatherman said that rain wasn’t expected for that afternoon, but Trixie knew better. Rain was definitely going to come that afternoon.

It had begun drizzling when Katya walked in, her makeup still on her face and her clothes, a simple pair of khakis and a white polo, still looked as if it had come out the dryer. Trixie didn’t want to toot her own horn, but she did a pretty fine job with those clothes.

She remembered getting up from the couch to greet Katya, this time a little differently than usual. She put her arms around the woman’s neck and kissed her before burying her face into her neck. Katya placed her arms around Trixie’s middle and flexed her arms a tiny bit to squeeze. She held on tighter because she knew she needed to hide her face for the next part.

“Katya, it’s been four months…”

“Yeah I guess it has.”

“What do you want us to be?”

“Trixie…”

“Katya please answer me.”

“I’d like us to be _us_ you know? One? A Unit?”

Trixie kissed the side of her neck lightly and looked into Katya’s eyes. “Yeah I’d like that too.”

-

They had finished their ice cream cake and Trixie was on the floor painting her nails once again, changing them from baby blue to baby pink. Her brows were furrowed as she focused hard on even brush strokes and to stay on the nail and not get on the skin.

And there, on the living room floor, with half her hair up in a messy bun and the rest down her back, in a light purple hoodie and boy shorts, sat the most precious most beautiful woman in the world. There wasn’t ever a day that went by where her love for Trixie wasn’t present. The circumstances at the beginning were odd, she would always be the first to admit it, but she wouldn’t dare imagine changing any of it if it meant it would lead her to Trixie, the woman she couldn’t believe she loved so damn much.

“Trixie?”

Trixie stopped what she was doing, putting the brush back in the nail polish bottle, and looked up to meet Katya’s eyes. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Trixie’s smile was so bright and big and Katya copied her, loving the feeling coming from her chest.

“I love you too. I love you so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to the end you guys!!!

**Author's Note:**

> That was wonderful, wasn't it?
> 
> In case any of you were wondering, I've been slowly but steadily working on Katya's Itch. I know what i want to write, I'm just having a hard time writing it and I really do apologize for having any of you who's read and liked it wait so long. You can yell at me all you want, I have ice cream.
> 
> That being said (and yes I know this note is kind of long, that's why it's at the end) please practice safe sex, if you're active, be aware of your status, and also the sexiest part of sexy time is consent. 
> 
> Love you, thanks for reading, bye!


End file.
